


AKIHIKO

by viyeolent (tasittliv)



Series: To Whoever Still Remembers [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Best friends ChanHun, Brief references to archery and swimming, Denial of Feelings, Ex-boyfriends ChanBaek, Explicit Language, Implied/Referenced Blow Jobs, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Vague college/ university setting, brief mentions of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasittliv/pseuds/viyeolent
Summary: To Baekhyun, Oh Sehun was perfect. In fact, too perfect. That is, until he met Sehun's 'relationship savvy’ best friend, and now suddenly Baekhyun’s been reunited with his first love, first heartbreak—none other than his ex-boyfriend, Park fucking Chanyeol.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Oh Sehun, Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Park Chanyeol
Series: To Whoever Still Remembers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2047349
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is the edited and revised version of an old tweetfic, hence, old readers may notice changes here and there.
> 
> The original may be read at [**my Twitter account**](https://twitter.com/viyeolent/status/832575354090840065).

As soon as he spotted the man sitting beside Sehun, Byun Baekhyun had half a mind to just duck, backtrack, and head straight for the exit.

Even meters apart, that face was already familiar, awfully _too_ familiar. The mere sight of those shoulders—of that slightly hunched forward _pose_ —was more than enough clue, and the memories that came flooding immediately upset Baekhyun. He’ll never ever mistake his ex for anyone else.

Chanyeol had certainly finally outgrown the baby fat of their youth and now sported a cleaner, more mature style that better suited the young adults they now were. The years seemed to have tempered the disaster that Park Chanyeol once was, but what else could that mean to someone who survived him other than layers and layers _and layers_ more to be peeled and torn off to reveal the bastard slumbering in his core? Chanyeol looked normal now, and he _was_. Normal. Chanyeol wasn’t… he wasn’t clinically crazy or anything, just… crazily good at hurting someone who just wanted to be loved by him, to the point that Baekhyun’s reaction to seeing him now was almost visceral.

Baekhyun had to escape, he _wanted_ to, but the option dissipated like a plume of smoke. Chanyeol had already seen him. Baekhyun _curses_ those eyes for having been the first thing he ever noticed, and he curses himself even more for daring to look his tormentor in the eye.

Baekhyun averted his gaze to catch Sehun turning just in time to realize his arrival. It was absolutely precious to witness how Sehun’s curiosity immediately melted into delight upon seeing him. Sehun rose from his seat at once.

“I was just about to fetch you,” his boyfriend said.

Baekhyun squeezed Sehun’s arm gently. He faced a quiet dilemma as he surveyed their table and discovered his choices of seating: beside or across his ex-boyfriend, both he found to be equally unpleasant. But if he sat across Chanyeol, he would at least have Sehun by his side.

Baekhyun ensconced in the space beside his boyfriend and immediately began pretending that Chanyeol didn’t exist. Or he _tried_ to, at the very least. He felt lightheaded as Sehun introduced them; just a brush apathetic and yet still a touch exasperated.

“So, babe, this is Chanyeol.”

Park Chanyeol, the best friend Sehun had been meaning to introduce him to for a while now since being ‘official’.

Park Chanyeol, who was also Baekhyun’s first love and heartbreak; whose memory cut him so deep, he once believed love was supposed to hurt, and that love could only be measured or proven by how much ache he could endure.

Baekhyun was certainly repulsed by the audacity of Park Chanyeol to stare at him, to make him feel indignant without doing anything. He could only clench his hands underneath the table as he obsessed at the patch of skin between his ex-boyfriend’s dark brows, over how he didn’t _want_ to be in the same space as Park fucking Chanyeol. He was _not_ the same Byun Baekhyun who settled for the tiniest crumb of acknowledgement from someone like his ex.

“Hey,” Chanyeol’s lips made a slight quirk, transforming themselves into a polite smile as the man lazily perched his chin on a palm.

The Park Chanyeol Baekhyun knew was an unbreakable stallion with a boisterous red mane and a hair-raising wildness as he rained beats down his drums and conquered the stage, but his ex surprisingly did away with that; Chanyeol’s hair was now much shorter, swept up and completely black all the way to its roots, almost as if to say that the years had tamed even him and now his fire had cooled into embers. If anything, the present Chanyeol reminded Baekhyun of Superman’s civilian persona, Clark Kent, but Baekhyun didn’t want his ill feelings towards his ex to be associated with anything else, let alone a figure of inspiration such as a classic hero. Only Park Chanyeol taught him a pain he couldn't forget, so only Park Chanyeol deserved to be at the receiving end of his hardened hatred.

This person sitting across Baekhyun had always been the ‘cool' guy; he made heads turn and he’s likely heard all the praises imaginable at least once before. Chanyeol _knew_ he was stunning, and he used that to his advantage. His name alone made Baekhyun feel queasy.

Baekhyun felt just a tiny bit smaller, and he _hated_ it.

If not for Sehun, Baekhyun would throw a glass full of water _—cubes of ice and all_ —at his ex's goddamn face and he'd be out of there faster than Chanyeol could even think to retaliate.

As with any other novel experience that Baekhyun has had, he told himself that he was only here for Sehun. It’s a meeting he doubted that he would ever enjoy, but at the very least, it’s an encounter that would be over soon. He hoped.

 _God,_ he just arrived but he _already_ wanted it to be over.

“Right. So Chanyeol, this is _my_ boyfriend, Baekhyun,” Sehun's palms were firm and warm on Baekhyun's shoulders. “If I catch you flirting with him, I’ll kick your ass. If I see you bullying him, I’ll kick your ass too. We clear, Park?”

Sehun was joking. At least, Baekhyun believed he was. Sehun’s face wasn’t that expressive, but Baekhyun knew Sehun was showing him off, as his boyfriend always did. Sehun was _that_ kind of unabashed proud and affectionate lover, so when Chanyeol’s immediate reaction was to _scoff_ , Sehun took it as appropriate disinterest and was unfazed.

Baekhyun, on the other hand, took offense, and it must’ve been obvious on his face because Chanyeol momentarily looked away.

What did _that_ scoff mean, huh?

Was he an eyesore of some sort?

Was his _ex_ thinking that Sehun was too good for _him_?

Baekhyun wanted to throw something at Chanyeol’s idle smug face. He wanted to humiliate Chanyeol _somehow_ , but there was nothing he could throw. He found Chanyeol so repulsive that he wished that looks truly _could_ kill.

Baekhyun hated this. He hated Chanyeol. How dare Chanyeol do that? In front of him? To Sehun? How _dare_ Chanyeol rile him up like this?

Baekhyun was _so_ much better now, he was doing better now than they last saw each other, and he absolutely _looked_ much better _now_. He’s been making heads turn and people blush. He was _desirable_ , he was _lovable_ , and he wanted Chanyeol to see it and— _oh_ , he didn’t know— _cry,_ perhaps?

Sehun gave Baekhyun’s shoulder another squeeze and gestured towards the restroom. “I'll be right back, okay babe?”

“Sure,” Baekhyun forced a smile and stared at his boyfriend's back until Sehun disappeared behind a door. Then, he took out his phone. He was all too prepared to appear petty if that’s what it took to completely ignore Park Chanyeol, whose smile disappeared as soon as Sehun had his back to them.

Chanyeol had the _audacity_ to grab his wrist, _to touch him,_ and to lower it squarely on the table, leaving Baekhyun no other choice but to glare because how _dare_ his ex touch him.

How fucking _dare_ Chanyeol even look him in the eye like this.

"I know you said that you don't ever want to see my face again,” Chanyeol began, and _god_ , even Chanyeol’s voice—Baekhyun _hated_ it. He fucking _hated_ it _so much._ He swore his skin crawled in fury as his ex-boyfriend continued to speak to him without his permission. _“_ But I've changed since the last time we met. And, well, despite what you may think… to me, it's actually nice to see you again, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun’s face split into a malicious expression; his brows scrunched together, the ends of his lips upturned, and his hand balled into an impossibly even tighter fist before he wrenched himself free from his ex’s grasp.

Did Chanyeol just have the _gall_ to say his name? Did Park Chanyeol _think_ this was okay? Did this man have a few screws _loose_ ? Here he was, wanting Chanyeol to disappear from his sight without a care about the ‘ _how’_ while _Chanyeol was outlandishly thinking how nice it was to see each other again._

"Is this a joke?" Baekhyun eventually replied as he stood abruptly and the chair behind him screeched.

“What? Baekhyun, I—”

His ex seemed confused by his reaction, as if Baekhyun was the aggressor. _What an actor_ . Baekhyun wasn’t going to fall for it. It was a good thing that Sehun was in the restroom because he didn't want Sehun to hear any of this; Baekhyun had to speak before Chanyeol could even try to confuse _him_.

No matter how softly or carefully that cruel mouth spoke his name, it would _never_ make up for how painful it had been to hear it spit such merciless words to him before. It was a nice small spiel that his ex just said, Baekhyun had to admit; short and straightforward. It simply would've been nicer, though, had he never seen Chanyeol at all again.

Baekhyun didn’t know what he was going to do. He didn’t plan to _just_ walk out and leave, which seemed to be what Chanyeol immediately thought, having stood up too in case he had to be stopped. He didn’t want Chanyeol to follow him, but if Chanyeol took even a single step closer to him, then he’d—

What _could_ he do? What _would_ he do? Sock Chanyeol? Cause a scene?

_Hell no!_

He couldn’t let Chanyeol affect him like this. It couldn’t be only _him._ He couldn’t let Chanyeol _win._

"Is this a game to you? _Huh?_ What I have with Sehun, is this some sort of plan to get back at me? Did you orchestrate this?"   
  
“Why would I orc—” Chanyeol frowned. “No, of course not! What you guys have, it’s—it’s real, I swear."

Real? Oh, _of course_ . Because it was just _so_ stupidly coincidental that Oh Sehun and Park Chanyeol _somehow_ became best friends and had him as their common denominator. How couldn’t _he_ have known they were best friends? How couldn’t Sehun have known that _they_ were exes?

Baekhyun didn't believe it. Anything that came out of Park Chanyeol’s mouth was either a bluff or a lie. But bluffs were just haughty lies, too, weren’t they?

It was too much, too unbelievable.

Thanks to some hilarious joke of the almighty universe, his first love—his _ex_ —just _happened_ to be his current boyfriend's best friend. How could _that_ happen? How could Sehun _not_ know about this? About them? How could Baekhyun believe that Chanyeol _didn’t_ tell Sehun about them?

Chanyeol, who never stopped being six foot three and everyone else's definition of _perfect_ ? Look at that face, _just one look at it_ and anyone turns into an impressionable, lovesick fool. Hell, Chanyeol’s mere _name_ was already unearthing an ache that Baekhyun already buried; it was the kind of pain he was afraid of facing again. It took his heart to thoroughly shatter to learn that _that_ Chanyeol he knew was ready to say anything for his own benefit.

Somehow, it made Baekhyun more bitter to think that Chanyeol might have never told Sehun about their past because to Chanyeol, at any point in their lives, there was no past to even speak of.

It hurt more somehow, that he didn’t mean _anything_ to Chanyeol.

"Look, we—I know we ended on bad terms," Chanyeol said, gesturing between them to say that the both of them need to sit back down and work this out more calmly. "But Sehun _really_ does like you."

It was too late, Baekhyun was already consumed by the rush of all the hurt Chanyeol forced upon him all those years ago, and he fixated on his ex’s words; on the wrong words.  
  
'Bad terms'. What a nice way to put it. What a _very_ Chanyeol-like way to simplify and dismiss everything that happened between them. Baekhyun expected no less, but it didn’t mean that he was any less disappointed; that he was any less sore about it; that he was any less pained by it, now that Chanyeol’s presence was pulling him back to that time when he was still learning about love and the ways it could hurt to be ‘loved’ back..

"What are you saying then?" Baekhyun scoffed and slowly sat back down after his ex had. "That you, _you_ helped and groomed him into someone I’d want to say yes to, purely out of good will?"

"I don't expect you to believe me, Baekhyun. Whatever happened between us, Sehun had nothing to do with it. Hate me, you absolutely have the right to, but don’t get Sehun involved. Don’t take it out on him. Hate me or hit me as much as you want. But don't doubt him. Please. He’s a good kid."

Baekhyun was… seething to say the least.

How else could he have dealt with the disaster that was Park Chanyeol? To hate him was _exactly_ what Baekhyun had done these past years. How dare Chanyeol try to dictate how he’s supposed to act.

The storm that roared and rumbled inside Baekhyun was indescribable in its ferocity. It was freezing as it was hateful. He felt like a monster, having found the individual responsible for his curse. He despised Chanyeol. He detested his ex who made moving on look so easy and had all the nice words to say while _he_ —

“ _You’re_ the reason why I can’t believe in anyone. _You_ taught me that.”

Chanyeol’s face was unreadable, but the man’s eyes only continued to bore into Baekhyun. His ex’s voice, while subdued in its sudden gentleness, was unwavering as Chanyeol only uttered, “I know.”

 _Did_ he, though? Baekhyun thought. Did Chanyeol _really_ know the damage he had done?

After they were over, he had little confidence in himself. He wasn’t the same. He was _never_ the same. 

After the breakup, Baekhyun believed that, maybe, Chanyeol was right. He didn’t deserve to be loved; that it was hard to love him; that he couldn’t be loved in the way that he wanted to be loved because that was ‘asking for too much’ and it ‘made him look easy and pathetic’. Nobody was going to respect such a beggar that would lick even the floor for negligible crumbs, and having been with Chanyeol made him feel like he _was_ a beggar, he was _that_ kind of beggar. Nobody would possibly love someone like him.

Sometimes, Baekhyun still stumbled and slid back into that dark pit. He never fell as deeply anymore though, but even now he was living the aftermath of Park Chanyeol.

Baekhyun was over it now. He really was. He just hated how Chanyeol could talk so easily to him like this, touch him like this, _be_ in the same space with him like this as if nothing happened.

"Baekhyun.."

‘ _Don't!’_ Baekhyun shut his eyes and clamped his palms over his ears.

Why was it easy for Chanyeol? Why did everything come so easily to Chanyeol? Why couldn’t Chanyeol suffer like he had, even for only a moment?

How insulting that, even after all these years, Park Chanyeol still looked like his teenage dream. Park Chanyeol could still spin honeyed words as effortlessly as the man breathed. Park Chanyeol was doing _great_ , and Baekhyun hated it.

Baekhyun _hated_ how Chanyeol had always been a winner at everything, even at awful things like breaking someone down so much that they thought they would never be able to love again.

It took him _such_ a long while to reach this point.

He didn't want his name on Chanyeol’s lips. Chanyeol didn't _deserve_ to say his name. He’d shut the entire world out _just_ to keep Chanyeol from entering his universe again.

"Baekhyun, for what it's worth, I'm sorrㅡ"  
  
“Are you two fighting?”

The same conspiring universe decided to help Baekhyun out at that exact moment by returning Sehun, who was back from the bathroom break to cut Chanyeol short. Sehun smelled like jasmine blossoms and green tea while he latched onto Baekhyun with a hug. This scent was familiar in the most comforting way, and Baekhyun ever so slowly relaxed.

Baekhyun had just noticed that people were staring.

"We're not," Baekhyun assured, all while he caressed the back of Sehun’s hand with the pad of his thumb. He didn't trust anything that came out of Park Chanyeol's lying mouth to explain, let alone to speak, on his behalf. "I read reviews on the way here, and they all say that the yogurpresso is the best."  
  
"Oh. Yeah. I already ordered one for you so you wouldn’t have to wait that long. Strawberry and cream waffles are good with it. I plan to fill you up with the sweetest,” Sehun was so proud of himself, it made Baekhyun smile wider along too while he let his boyfriend nuzzle his nape.

In that exact moment, Baekhyun caught Chanyeol looking. Their gazes met, dampening Baekhyun’s mood, but the eye contact was broken before Baekhyun could even think of glaring at his ex.

"Thanks," Baekhyun said to Sehun as he let himself be kept safe and warm in his loving boyfriend's arms. “You know me so well.”

Sehun was his boyfriend now.

Not Chanyeol.

 _Sehun_.

“Get a room,” Chanyeol would later joke, complete with a fake gag and a whole string of other teasing jests, for his best friend’s body language all screamed whipped and in love.

But Baekhyun noticed that every time Sehun made him laugh, his ex sipped on his americano to hide his mouth and never spoke to respond directly to anything he said for the rest of the date.


	2. Two

  
  
'Meet the Best Friend' date went by pretty smoothly, all things considered.

What happened to Chanyeol? Oh. Nevermind him. Chanyeol was an impeccable liar. His ex’s performance towards the end of their 'first meeting' was especially commendable. It truly paid to have no shame. Baekhyun was all the more glad that Sehun was there.

His boyfriend certainly wasn’t the ‘younger brother’ that Baekhyun thought he was when they first met. The sparks and heat were there when they kissed that night; hell, even when Sehun simply looked at him, Baekhyun knew he was desired. It took a while to accept Sehun’s feelings; to arrive at this point and allow himself to be loved by someone as seemingly perfect as Oh Sehun.

You’d think Baekhyun would be at peace, that all was well because he _knew_ the attraction between him and Sehun _was_ real, but in the following morning, he found himself regretting having gone on that date. He regretted seeing Chanyeol again, remembering that _Park Chanyeol_ existed, and he began to think that meeting the 'perfect person' was truly impossible.

Sehun, whom he thought was _his_ definition of perfection personified; who was supposed to remind him what being in love was like; and who was his closest thing he had to the magic of ‘maybe everyone indeed had _someone_ made for _just_ them’, was suddenly… 

Sehun was suddenly just a trick, an illusion; another way for Chanyeol to fuck with him. Baekhyun was tortured by his own suspicions. He hadn’t even known there were seeds of paranoia left from that shitty part of the past until, little by little, he almost began to believe that the Sehun he knew was fabricated by none other than the very person who destroyed love to him to begin with. Baekhyun loved Sehun, he really did, but after that date, he realized why the entire thing felt like a dream; why Sehun seemed to say and do all the right things, and that alone was already too good to be true.

Baekhyun was terrified. He already had a taste of ‘perfection’ a long time ago and it left him devastated. He could barely remember anything other than the pain whenever he tried to look back at that time. He knew to avoid _that_ kind of ‘perfect' now, people like Chanyeol; he was not going to let himself be the fool again.

And so, for a while, things turned lukewarm between Baekhyun and Sehun. He really was too busy to be talking and updating Sehun about the disturbances to his daily routine; there were many adjustments to be made because he was only starting his life as a young working professional. But Baekhyun had thoughts, unpleasant thoughts; ones that accused him of wrongfully avoiding Sehun. Baekhyun was plagued by an uncomfortable and lingering feeling he couldn't quite describe. It was almost a dull kind of guilt, grains of doubt milled and shined by the desire to preserve what he had right now and simply let himself be swept away by the flow.

Baekhyun felt like he was dating an intelligent puppet, a man so gorgeous but without a will of his own, and that was unfair of him. Terribly so. He was ashamed of himself for treating Oh Sehun like this; as an extension of the distrust he harbored for Park Chanyeol. It was despicable of him to belittle Sehun’s love on the off chance that it was manufactured, and that he was the stupid, oblivious sucker who kept falling for the trick that already burned him once before.

Sehun seemed to finally pick up on the dismal direction that their relationship was moving along; if it was moving at all. Or, perhaps, Sehun already noticed how things changed since that meeting with Chanyeol, and only decided to do something about the uneasy atmosphere that had been looming over them after he had exhausted all other options.

Baekhyun hated to think that Chanyeol may have irredeemably ruined him to the point that he was pushing away someone who sincerely wanted to love him.

One night, Sehun showed up at the office after work. It was just a station away from the university, so the only reason they haven’t been seeing each other that often was because Sehun was a student-athlete and Sehun couldn’t fall behind. It sounded like Baekhyun was being considerate by not wanting to distract his boyfriend, but really, it was an excuse and he simply couldn’t stand to admit it. He’d curse himself if he ever made Sehun feel that he didn’t deserve the truth, just like what Chanyeol made him believe.

“I missed you,” Sehun said as they walked to the station.

With the way Oh Sehun never seemed to give away what he was thinking, you’d think he was the type to skimp; on ‘I love you’s, on ‘I miss you’s; on words that some others may wait for a lifetime to hear.

They were words Baekhyun certainly did stupid things for.

Chanyeol used to say he was demanding, but now, Baekhyun knew that he would always be demanding to someone who didn’t want to give him anything.

“I wish we could stay like this for longer," he heard Sehun murmur after a while as his boyfriend pulled him closer into an embrace and they continued to wait for the last bus. The way Sehun squeezed his smaller hand ever so gently made him feel like Sehun was treating him like a bird; as if he would fly away at the slightest sign of danger or discomfort.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Baekhyun reassured. He disliked how he doubted his boyfriend, as if Sehun was poison simply because of his connection to Chanyeol.

If thisㅡ _them_ ㅡwas just a ruse, Sehun had nothing substantial to gain from it… but Chanyeol couldn't have been telling the truth either.

Could he?

(He could never trust Park Chanyeol.)

“Yeah…" Sehun seemed to have more to say, something different than, "I wish we had more dates like the one we had at the cafe. Impromptu 'dates' at the bus stop aren't romantic.”

But if his boyfriend already decided against it, then Baekhyun wasn't going to pursue it.

“Mm… no, it isn’t. But as long as we’re together, anywhere is fine.”

“I’ll teach you how to swim. Then we can have beach getaways and poolside escapades. My coach will believe that only Byun Baekhyun can make me obedient, then he’ll let us invite our audience to practice.”

Since that night, something seemed to change…

Baekhyun noticed Sehun became much more affectionate, as if his boyfriend was trying to compensate for something; as if Sehun was trying to distract him, and just like Sehun, Baekhyun was the kind of person who let things pile up, the kind to keep quiet about it until every other option had been proven to fail.

Baekhyun was _almost_ certain that Sehun knew; that Sehun _sensed_ something was wrong with their relationship. They both treaded, danced, and turned away from the pink elephant in the room in fear of the consequences of confrontation. But pretending that it wasn't there didn't really make it disappear. It didn’t feel like any less of an impending crash.

“Hey, is there something I did?”

Alas, it was Sehun who gave in and asked what was wrong. It was.. disheartening, to say the least, to answer the truth; that Sehun not making any mistake was what's 'wrong'. Even Baekhyun knew how irrational it sounded.

Sehun was good to him, there was absolutely no doubt about it. It was just that… Baekhyun was terrified of Chanyeol’s influence, to say the least. It was driving him crazy; to have been used to reading between the lines and now facing the possibility that there may actually be _nothing_ else to discover in the spaces.

Sehun was not Chanyeol. Sehun didn’t lie even if doing so was advantageous. In the time they spent together, Sehun _never_ called him anything hurtful; never upset him and _then_ dismissed him by saying he was overreacting.

Sehun genuinely cared about him, Baekhyun _felt_ it, but he also couldn’t stop being afraid that Sehun might be another boy exploiting his weakness for a pretty face; that Sehun might be another liar; that Sehun might be another _Chanyeol_ and he’ll have to put himself together _all over again_ after Sehun’s had his fun _._

“I'm sorry. It's… really not you,” it was the oldest clichés in the book, Baekhyun knew, but the pain and the dread didn’t feel so common at all.

He wished he could forget. He honestly wished he wasn’t afraid. Love was beautiful, certainly, but the vulnerability that came with it was too much of a risk.

“I don’t understand…” Sehun admitted.

“I just… I don't understand it either. You know all the right words to say. You're always there for me. I have nothing else to ask for. I really don’t. I should be happy having you for a boyfriend, _being with you_ , and I _am,_ but I—” Baekhyun could feel his lips quivering. The last thing he wanted was for his eyes to tear up and make this situation even more unbearable. He knew his boyfriend was just as hurt and confused by all of this.

Baekhyun couldn't explain it any better, though; not in ways that wouldn't leave him raw and exposed. It was unfair of him to judge Sehun for what an _ex_ had done, but _that_ ex now represented all the ways that a heart can break. He didn’t want to waste time picking himself up again, he didn’t want to get left behind again, because _that’s_ what having his heart broken by Chanyeol had felt like.

Chanyeol _crushed_ him and then blamed him for putting himself in a position to get hurt in the first place.

And the worst part of it, Baekhyun _believed_ him.

For so, _so_ long.

“I'm… I'm scared, Sehun. I'm scared of _you_ . I'm scared of _this_ . I’ve _never_ been loved like this. I'm afraid this is a trick and you've been laughing at me for falling. I feel like—I feel like this relationship has a time limit, that one day I’ll discover that you’ve only been leading me on or that _none_ of this is actually real and you never really _wanted_ me.”

This time, Baekhyun wanted his love genuinely reciprocated. He wanted someone who wanted him so much that love scared them. If he was going to love again—then _god damn it,_ he wanted to be loved _right._

His boyfriend didn't know what to say to that… not right away, like all the times before.

Baekhyun was almost, _almost_ disappointed. For a moment, the devil inside him whispered that Sehun didn’t love him enough to even _try._ Then, Sehun embraced him, and Baekhyun immediately _knew—_ through the tremble in his boyfriend’s hands as they carefully held him, in the hesitance in his boyfriend’s hushed cracked voice when Sehun spoke, and in the frantic beat of his boyfriend’s heart while he pressed his ear against Sehun’s hard chest _—_ that Sehun was terrified.

Of saying the wrong thing.

Of losing him after this.

For a short while, Baekhyun saw himself. He remembered what it was like to give his all and still be so starved of love, and it became clear to him that he'd been treating Sehun like he viewed magic, like panacea; the solution to anything and everything that ever ailed him.

Sehun looked perfect, but he wasn’t truly so. He wasn’t Park Chanyeol. He was nothing like his best friend.

Somehow, Baekhyun felt like some kind of shackle came undone.

This was it, the moment that would solidify their relationship or break it apart.

“I don’t want to break up with you,” Sehun said as the embrace grew a little tighter and his voice became meeker.

“I don’t want to either,” Baekhyun responded resolutely.

“Then… then we should stay together, right?” Sehun concluded, and it sounded so easy, _so obvious_. “I’m younger than you are. I’m inexperienced compared to you. But believe me, hyung, I love you. I… really, really like you… I want to get to know you and make more memories with you.”

Baekhyun didn’t know what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t… this. _._ He couldn’t believe that _this_ was it, without any accusations or voices being raised; only affirmation that Sehun loved him and that they would still be together tomorrow and the day after that. He had never had this with Chanyeol.

The Talk gave Baekhyun the opportunity to get to know Oh Sehun even more, the _real_ Sehun who apparently enjoyed being babied and embraced out of the blue, and disliked being treated like some sort of celebrity in his campus because it made making friends difficult.

Baekhyun quickly grew fond of this side of Sehun, which had been suppressed for such a long time that Sehun sadly admitted to being ashamed by it. Neither of them were into calling each other pet names, people even mistook them for brothers sometimes, but if Baekhyun was going to encourage Sehun to be as comfortable as him, then he was going to have to slowly let Sehun feel that a bit of vulnerability was fine between two people who cared for each other. And so, Baekhyun started calling Sehun _baby_ and, well, their relationship had never been the same.

Although the real Oh Sehun was far from what he long believed was his ideal person, Baekhyun discovered that he actually liked the bratty and selfish Oh Sehun better. They frustrated each other so much, but they were both working hard to keep each other.

Maybe that was just what Baekhyun wanted all along. Not someone perfect, because everyone had flaws, but someone he knew he could trust and who made him feel loved despite his flaws. Someone who loved him and didn't intentionally hurt him to maintain their own level of comfort.

Baekhyun didn’t care about finding the perfect person for him anymore, now he just wanted someone who told him they loved him as much as they showed it.


	3. Three

While Baekhyun grew even closer to Sehun, he saw more of Chanyeol, too. He supposed that was to be expected. It hurt less now, spending time with the ex who became his basis for all his ‘next’s and relationships in general.

What was the word for it? Cathartic? Therapeutic? Or would saying that his tolerance for his ex made him more courageous, more than enough to face Chanyeol almost everyday, be more accurate?

"Your laugh is refreshing," Chanyeol told him one day. “You know how your mouth makes a rectangle?” then a, "Didn’t you say that you wanted… nevermind. That book you wanted is on sale. I saw it yesterday," on another day.

It felt… _nice_ , for lack of a better word; not being tired all the time because he was busy hating Chanyeol put him somewhat at ease, but it still felt weird. Chanyeol talking to him so much was strange to him. The mere _thought_ of having Park Chanyeol in his life again after what happened years ago was absurd.

Despite the bouts of self-consciousness, Baekhyun was actually taking things in stride. He was being much more nonchalant about everything than he expected himself to be. Outwardly, anyway. The years of stifling himself were paying off, it seemed.

But _Chanyeol_? Chanyeol was simply too much. Granted, the texts his ex sent were always brief and direct. The guy _thankfully_ never contacted him if not due to some sort of obligation, but Chanyeol was still too casual about picking him up, accompanying him, and driving him around on behalf of his boyfriend, who was understandably busy at the time.

Baekhyun didn't even have to check his phone anymore, really. It was a routine now to exit his building and find Chanyeol waiting for him so they could proceed to drive to the pool. Sehun was part of a swim team, so they were mostly kind of always together while they waited for Sehun's swimming practice to finish.

Absolutely no questions were exchanged between them. They didn't talk that much either. Or rather, Baekhyun never initiated conversations. When Chanyeol wasn't in the jolly mood to tolerate being ignored, the only noise they made and heard was the occasional complaint about Chanyeol's pretentious choice of music and Baekhyun’s excessive volume preference inside the car.

Baekhyun didn't think they were friends. At least, _he_ didn't think they were. Hell, could they be? _Were_ they friends now?

He couldn't picture himself being friends with Chanyeol, though, not with their history. Chanyeol being best friends with his current boyfriend simply made ‘not sharing the same space and breathing the same air’ just a little less feasible. He wasn't even sure whether or not Sehun knew they were exes, because if Sehun knew, then… his boyfriend was being awfully lenient and forgiving about hanging out together with all three of them. 

Anyway, Baekhyun didn't think it mattered. He was dating Sehun. He was over Chanyeol. Well, he and Chanyeol were, more or less, in somewhat better terms now.

And ‘better’ was seemingly good enough for Chanyeol to occasionally check up on how he and Sehun were, Baekhyun supposed, and just so casually say, "He's a lucky guy."

"He is, isn't he? Six feet tall and a face like that. Guy practically won the genetic lottery!" Baekhyun laughed. He didn't think he ever would.

Especially not around Chanyeol again anyway, who just shrugged in response before eventually clarifying, "I didn't mean it that way."

They were both walking towards the pool that day instead of crossing with Chanyeol’s car. Baekhyun suggested it to get a bit of exercise in himself. His ex merely tagged along and was walking a meter ahead of him… must be nice to have such long legs.

"What else could you have possibly meant?"

"Do you really wanna know?" His ex asked. The old Chanyeol would have just grunted and left instead of humoring the chit chat. It happened often before; Baekhyun was always expected to figure things out right away.

"Just say it," Baekhyun insisted, becoming just a little irritated and crashing against Chanyeol who suddenly stopped walking.

"He gets to be your boyfriend. Isn't that lucky?"

Chanyeol's smile wiped itself off his ex's face when, thanks to some sort of reflex against bullshit, Baekhyun was suddenly overcome by a rush of disbelief and he doubled over in laughter. "Did the guy who partied right after dumping me really _just_ say that?"

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because you just made a joke."

"No, I didn't."

"Come on, you were _hilarious_ ~"

"I wasn't trying to be funny."

"Huh? But you saidㅡ"

"I know what I just said!" Chanyeol cut him off, clearly upset over something. "It wasn't a joke. And it wasn’t funny."

"Wait. Are you seriously angry? Over what?" Baekhyun questioned.

"Nothing."

"It's not 'nothing' if you're upset."

"I'm not upset."

Baekhyun snorted, muttering after he calmed down, "I know you better than that."

He didn't know what he meant by that either. It just came out. And it made things weird. Or, perhaps, things always have been. Maybe it was just too good to be true to be 'okay' with the one ex he had the hardest time getting over.

One thing's for sure, he knew he sure as hell wasn't okay with Chanyeol ripping that old, healed wound open again with, "What's so funny about how I dumped you?"

“Oh, I don't know, the irony of you saying that being my boyfriend is lucky when you couldn't wait to be rid of me, maybe?" Baekhyun answered as calmly as he could.

Honestly? Nothing was funny about what Chanyeol had done to him. But at least now, he could laugh about it. He didn't understand why his ex was seemingly more upset about it.

"There is absolutely nothing funny about me having been the biggest douchebag you dated, alright?" Chanyeol was almost shouting.

Baekhyun forced himself to take a deep breath instead of shouting as he replied, "You don't get to be angry about what happened, Chanyeol. I didn't leave you."

He hated Chanyeol for having made a fool out of him. Chanyeol broke his heart almost everyday. Chanyeol unapologetically destroyed him and just _left_.

If anyone deserved to be angry, it was him.

"I know. I was the worst boyfriend," Chanyeol said. "But you know what, it takes being your ex-boyfriend to know how lucky your new guy is."

"I'm glad to know you appreciate me now," Baekhyun answered. Whatever his ex was trying to say, he wasn't ready for it. Hell, he didn't want to hear it.

It was not the time and it was most certainly not the place for it, so he walked past Park Chanyeol after a split-moment decision to leave.

"I'm sorry," He heard his ex exclaim from behind him. "I know it's a breakup too late, but I'm sorry."

Baekhyun only kept walking and walking.

 _Stupid_ Park.

He heard his ex call his name once, maybe twice. He quickly plugged his earphones in to drown out Chanyeol's voice. He was already prepared to bury the day's memory alive.

The Chanyeol he knew had been petty. The old Chanyeol was short-tempered, a bit too full of himself, and had a laugh that was as loud as the launching of a rocket. Sure, the present Chanyeol was still petty, but _that_ shitty Chanyeol from the past wasn't the one he got stuck with anymore whenever Sehun was swamped with swimming practices.

After Baekhyun let out his sweltering steam, he was back to being 'so-so' with his ex. They couldn't completely avoid each other considering, well, Sehun. Something changed, though, or rather, he became more aware of Chanyeol, who knew just what to order; who always walked behind him and Sehun; whose apology he'd wanted for so long and finally heard.

Chanyeol was also the reason why he had Sehun right now, and soㅡno matter how miffed they both made each other, Baekhyun knew he was doing better now, he was in a better place now. He was done hating Chanyeol. He was done dating Chanyeol.

"You know what, curses must be real," Chanyeol said one day. Once again, they were stuck waiting for Sehun outside the gymnasium pool, the one that housed the university’s athletes and served as their exclusive training grounds.

"Why?" Baekhyun humored.

His ex made a tiny, quiet sigh. "Remember when you would get angry at me for forgetting things? You called me all sorts of things."

"I guess," Baekhyun replied. He tried to forget those disappointing times. They hurt too much. Honestly, they were all still there, gathering layers of dust.

"You called me insensitive once a week," Chanyeol chuckled.

"Well. To you, threatening to break up with me over the smallest thing was a hobby. Then you finally _did_ break up with me and made it look so easy," he said. "So, yep. You were insensitive."

‘You were heartless. You knew exactly what you were doing, but all you cared about was yourself,’ was what Baekhyun was thinking, but it would’ve robbed him of his energy had he actually said it.

"I didn't know what I had, Baek," his ex continued talking.

Baekhyun didn't have the heart to look at Chanyeol, scared of what he'd see. "I wish I had known that back then, Yeol," he replied. He didn't know how he managed to keep doing so, maybe he was stronger and braver than he thought.

Sehun was taking longer than usual. Baekhyun was getting antsy. Maybe he should just walk around for now... alone.

But his legs wouldn't move.

"Chanyeol... I’ll really appreciate it if you stop bringing up the past," Baekhyun said. "Because it took me a lot to get over it. Over you."

"I didn't meanㅡ" Chanyeol forced himself to inhale. "Sorry. I should've known. Seeing you again after so long justㅡyeah.. okay."

" _Exactly_. It's been so long, Chanyeol, so let's both let it go, okay?" Baekhyun replied, handing over his empty can of soda. "Throw this away."

"Can I say just one last thing, though?"

"No."

"I swear it's the last time."

"I liked you better when you were a more obvious jackass."

Chanyeol finally took his tin can to dispose. "Yeah, being that jackass definitely hurt less than being your new boyfriend's best friend."

That little shove Baekhyun gave his ex might have been a bit too forceful, but the rotten mantree fucking deserved it for the amount of bullshit it shamelessly spewed. He all but attached himself to Sehun when his boyfriend was finally done. Sure, being clingy got into Sehun's head but hey.

They were happy.


	4. Four

"Are you sure you're not fighting?"

It’s been a few weeks since Baekhyun began ignoring Chanyeol. Chanyeol was sort of ignoring him, too. He didn’t know what kind of impression they used to give Sehun, but it was wrong because he and Chanyeol were _not_ chummy at all.

"Yep."

"You can tell me, okay?" Sehun, ever the sweet boyfriend, insisted. They were studying together and the librarian was making rounds in the halls, so they were talking in hushed voices. "If he does anything, just let me know."

"I will," Baekhyun promised. Truthfully, he wasn't sure whether it was something worth telling Sehun about. Obviously, Chanyeol still hadn't told Sehun anything.

To Chanyeol, Baekhyun was just the guy he dated to have someone around and eventually dumped. An ex in the most literal sense of the word. End of discussion. To Baekhyun, though, Chanyeol was once the world before he became the guy who crushed his heart.

No matter who'd start the discussion, it was going to be a nasty conversation. It would change their dynamics, and Baekhyun didn't want anything to change, not even when Chanyeol seemed to not want to share the path towards friendship; not even when sometimes it felt like he had two boyfriends.

His boyfriend truly trusted Chanyeol. He was the only one to get in between them. That's how tight Sehun and Chanyeol were. That's how sweet and devoted Sehun was, how lucky Baekhyun truly was.

But the thing with relationships, they were two way streets. And the thing with change, it couldn't care less whether or not you were ready for it to arrive. Regardless, when it came to Chanyeol, Baekhyun always found himself wishing for some ㅡ for any ㅡ sort of warning first. He was awfully sick of surprises.

It had been on Sehun's birthday when it happened.

They were out. Chanyeol brought a date. It made the entire arrangement a double date, and it was perfect because there was no Chanyeol to tolerate and Baekhyun honestly thought Sehun had never looked hotter.

Sehun suddenly had an emergency, so Baekhyun prepared to leave, too. Then Chanyeol offered to drive.

His ex wanted to escape the date, Baekhyun thought. But no, Chanyeol didn't. Worse, Chanyeol wanted to be alone with him, and Baekhyun couldn't fathom how Sehun didn’t think that to be worrisome.

"What are you trying to do, Chanyeol? And don't you dare lie to me when you left someone who seemed genuinely interested in you back there _just_ to be here."

"I'm not trying to win you back," his ex replied.

It made Baekhyun scoff. What a fucking lie.

"Of course not. You hate losing, don't you?"

Chanyeol locked the car again before Baekhyun could step out and get himself a cab. "Stay still. I promised Sehun that I'm driving you home."

"Great. You keep promises now. Like a good best friend should. But it doesn'tㅡ" Baekhyun was so frustrated. "Why are you doing this, Chanyeol?"

"Back when you were dating me, I was the biggest jerk. You hated how I never kept my promises. You cried over how I was never there for you. You always complained about how I never bothered to remember anything you say. You were so sure I'd stand you up one out of three dates. I was sick of you complaining and crying and arguing with me every fucking day. So I left. And I couldn't be happier," Chanyeol replied. "We broke up. You hated me. We never got in touch. I thought, if I couldn't be happy with you, then I was going to be happy without you."

Baekhyun forced a laugh. "And you _are_. You were doing great before we met again."

There was no need for Chanyeol to rub it in his face.

"But you wished I wasn't, didn't you?" Chanyeol asked. His ex was staring at him from the corner of his eye.

 _Yes_ , of course Baekhyun did.

"I really, _really_ liked you, Chanyeol," Baekhyun had to admit. It was the truth anyway; everyone _knew_ how much of a fool he was for Park Chanyeol. He would have said he loved Chanyeol back then, but to use ‘love’ now would be a reminder of how he let himself be unjustly trampled on over and _over_ again. "And you left me behind."

Anyone who ever loved someone, with everything they had, and still got dumped the way Chanyeol had dumped him would have struggled to move on, let alone believe in love again.

"I guess you got your wish granted," Chanyeol told him. Baekhyun still refused to look, even when his ex continued, "I'm not happy, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun merely sat there without giving the man on the driver's seat the grace of a reply.

He did wish for it. He wished for Chanyeol to be miserable. But he didn't care anymore.

"I hated you, too," he heard his ex utter. "I hated how I thought about you after we were over. How I suddenly remembered everything you said. After we broke up, I was never late again. I never stood anyone up. I couldn't forget anything even if I tried.. All I remembered was you. Then one day, I just realized I was trying to be the guy you've always wanted me to be. I was trying to be the boyfriend I should’ve been to you."

"I already know how it ends," Baekhyun smiled as he focused on the view outside of his ex's car. "You and I both know how it ends."

"I wanted to see you again. I waited for that day. Then that day came," Chanyeol’s voice was softer as he spoke. "Sehun introduced you as his boyfriend."

Baekhyun used to imagine this moment. Many times. He used to imagine Chanyeol telling him that he was perfect Park Chanyeol's single regret.

Each time he told himself to stop crying, he still ended up with swollen eyes and a runny nose. The mere thought of Chanyeol smothered him. He reminded himself that, eventually he'd stop. One day he would meet Chanyeol again. He wouldn't cry then because he'd be angry. And he deserved to be.

And that was the thing about imaginations. They made anything possible. Baekhyun could make his cruel ex cry and beg for him to come back. Before Sehun, he could only imagine how Chanyeol staying could've been like; how being happy and loved in return was like.

Baekhyun imagined this moment countless times; Chanyeol crying, Chanyeol being inconsolable. It was the most that he could do back then. But now that it was finally there, none of the lines he had rehearsed came to mind.

He didn't want Chanyeol back.

In fact, he couldn't care less.

"We got what we both wanted," Baekhyun echoed. "You wanted me out of your life, and I got a boyfriend who loves and appreciates me."

And that was the truth. Sehun was so good to him. Now that he and Sehun were together, whatever Chanyeol was, it just didn't matter anymore.

Nothing else was said afterwards.

Even if Chanyeol cranked up the music; even if he could see Chanyeol wiping something off his own face ㅡ and not even when Chanyeol pulled up at his apartment's driveway and helped him with a few luggage. They said goodnight, and that was it.

It was only after Baekhyun had sunk down the foot of his apartment door that he checked his phone because he wanted to hear Sehun's voice, but he couldn't call. Sehun's name was already there.

"Are you finally home?" Sehun’s voice was solemn.

Baekhyun gasped, realizing that his boyfriend never hung up. He didn't check. His battery was running low, so he thought his phone had been dead the entire time.

"Hunnie, what yoㅡ"

"I heard everything," Sehun sounded tired. It was hard to decipher anything beyond his boyfriend's tone. "I just wanted to make sure you got home safely."

Before Baekhyun could ask or say anything at all, Sehun told him goodnight, much like how Chanyeol had done so earlier.

\---

Their anniversary came a few days later. Baekhyun hadn't seen either Chanyeol or Sehun before that, but when he finally had, it hadn't been pretty.

That day, Sehun got off practice early. Baekhyun couldn't find his boyfriend, who neither replied to his texts nor answered his calls. Whereas, Chanyeol had a routine. His ex always parked in the same spot, so Baekhyun thought to look for Chanyeol instead. Chanyeol probably knew where Sehun was. However, when he got there, Chanyeol's car alarm was already blaring and he immediately heard someone shouting.

"I _fucking_ trusted you!"

Baekhyun was horrified to watch Sehun throw a punch. Chanyeol broke the rearview mirror when his ex landed. Sehun kept shouting. His boyfriend wasn't nearly done when Chanyeol shoved Sehun off.

Baekhyun felt his body turn into ice when his ex was finally fed up and Chanyeol raised his own fist.

Baekhyun yelled at them to stop, both of them, but neither of them could hear him over the rush of adrenaline and anger. He threw himself in between them. He shouted at Chanyeol to stop.

Baekhyun could feel himself trembling while he embraced Sehun, whose breaths were shaky and whose eyes were red as they stared at Chanyeol.

"You said you've moved on!" Sehun yelled, his voice loud although it wavered.

Chanyeol inhaled slowly to collect himself before he replied, "I thought I have."

Baekhyun was shaking his head against his boyfriend’s chest. "Stop this," He told his boyfriend as he slid his hands down to unfurl Sehun's cold fists and to rub and to hold them. "Stop this, okay?"

"You too," he told his ex. They were both dumb. Sehun and Chanyeol were both _so_ fucking dumb. Nobody had to get hurt.

Baekhyun reached up to Sehun's face, tilting his boyfriend's head so Sehun focused only on him and calmed down.

"I don't want to see this. Please don't fight each other," He told them both. This was exactly why he didn't want to say anything. He knew it'd come up sooner or later but he didn't expect it to happen like this.

"Come to the clinic with me," Baekhyun said to Sehun who nodded. He turned his attention on Chanyeol, who was reaching for something inside the car with a good arm and ignoring him. "Chanyeol, please."

"I'm fine," his ex stubbornly muttered.

Sehun didn't look too happy, but quietly let Baekhyun detach from him to stalk towards the prideful Chanyeol.

"You're coming, too," Baekhyun said with a hard press on the guy's bicep, eliciting an undeniable wince from his ex.

"I'm fucking fine."

"Quit being a prick so we can all just fucking _go_ ," Sehun growled at the diminishing distance between the two, even more pissed at the manner by which Chanyeol's spoke to Baekhyun. "Move, Park."

"Please?" Baekhyun whispered and wiped the little blood from his ex's knuckles, out of Sehun's view. "Let's just go for now, okay, Yeol?"

Chanyeol could slam the door shut and just drive away, but didn't. He reciprocated Sehun’s glare but he punched the alarm to cease the noise and locked the car, ultimately surrendering to Baekhyun.

"Thanks," Baekhyun smiled a little and herded the two towards the clinic.

Sehun was fine, he refused to remove his shirt for further examination. Chanyeol, however, needed a cast.

Normally, Chanyeol would drive them all home, but the two best friends weren't on good terms and... well, Chanyeol couldn't drive anytime soon. As much as Baekhyun wanted to spend his anniversary with Sehun properly, he worried about Chanyeol getting home. The car had to get repaired, too.

"You guys go ahead," Chanyeol had beaten him from speaking first. "I'll manage."

Sehun's reply was an arm around Baekhyun’s waist, telling of how ready he was to leave.

Asking to stay a bit longer would've made it worse, but Baekhyun catching how his ex hung his own head before they closed that door was already terrible. Sehun was quiet throughout the whole journey home. Baekhyun was, too. He didn't know where he was going to start asking. Certainly, Sehun was angry.

"Do you want to come inside?" Baekhyun asked as they stood at his doorstep.

Sehun seemed to want to say something, but instead gave him a kiss.

"Can I?" Sehun asked, holding him close. It didn't feel quite right, but not celebrating their one full year of being together felt even less so.

Baekhyun leaned against Sehun's shoulder and let the arms around his waist hold him tighter. It was Sehun who pulled away first; the one who hugged him again and apologized. "This isn't how I wanted to spend today, but I was scared. I know how hard it was for you to forget him.

"And I have," Baekhyun replied as he brought their lips together into what he hoped was a reassuring kiss. "I've already moved on, Hun."

"How can I be sure that you won't fall for him again..? Iㅡ… I didn't know he was your ex, Baekhyun. Am I just going to be surprised one day?"

There was nothing he could say that would completely convince Sehun, and it hurt to see Sehun look so helpless.

"I love you," his boyfriend said to him, with all the softness he was capable of being. "I want to be with you."

"Can you trust me, then?" Baekhyun asked. "Will you trust me?"

Sehun sighed and relented. "Yeah. I do. What kind of boyfriend am I to not trust the person I just said I love?"

"Definitely not yours," Baekhyun smiled, linking their fingers together. "I love you, too, Sehun. I want to be together longer than a year."

"The next anniversary has to be _much_ better."

"The day isn't over yet," he pointed out and unlocked his apartment door. "Stay the night."

"Oh.. You sure?"

What Baekhyun really liked about Sehun was the fact that his boyfriend was a shy boy stuck in an unbelievably blessed man's body. "I'm locking it again after five seconds," Baekhyun teased as he stepped inside and slowly closed the door.

Sehun pushed his own way in. "I'm staying!" his boyfriend yelled. "I don't have practice tomorrow soㅡ"

Baekhyun didn't even let Sehun finish.

They had an anniversary to celebrate.


	5. Five

Baekhyun understood Chanyeol's absence in the next couple of weeks. He couldn’t say with utmost certainty that the absence was negligible. Having grown distant from friends he still missed every now and then, Baekhyun knew how lonely it could feel like.

When you cut someone off abruptly from your life, the deed and the consequences don’t sink in right away. You only realize how much you’ve hurt yourself once the regrets settle in. Sometimes you’re gasping in the same pit where you forcefully buried the living memories in, some other times you remember having been the undertaker and lament why you had to bury those memories in the first place. If Baekhyun has learned anything, it’s that plenty of what people consider to be regrets could be prevented.

Sehun’s regular practices served as welcomed distractions. Swimming was the closest thing to Sehun’s heart, and the passion for it ironically began with the first experience of drowning. According to Sehun, only water would betray him, and he would forgive it a hundred times over because water is water; it flows and it breaks as it likes, but it has no mind of its own and never knows what it’s doing. For his boyfriend to say that, Baekhyun thought long and hard about the amount of faith Sehun places in people, and about how Chanyeol had been one of Sehun’s shores over the past years.

Sehun still wasn't on speaking terms with Chanyeol, which was expected, but it didn't mean that watching their friendship fall apart was fine. Sure, Sehun was just as affectionate and clingy as always, but even Baekhyun had to admit that Chanyeol was missed. Chanyeol was part of their daily lives, had been for a significant while now, and while neither Baekhyun nor Sehun will probably ever speak of it, the day just sort of… didn’t seem complete without Chanyeol.

When Baekhyun finally saw Chanyeol again at the cafe he frequented, he couldn’t figure out what to say right away. To say nothing didn’t sit well with him, so he settled with a safe, "Hi."

"Hey," Chanyeol reciprocated with a smile.

Strange… Baekhyun thought his ex looked kind of cooler with a cast on. Black was certainly a good color on Chanyeol.

"Let me help you with that," Baekhyun said as he readjusted his ex's crooked cap.

Chanyeol stared at him all the while with a dimming smile. "I… I should go,” the ex commented, chuckling shortly with a cup of hot coffee in one good hand. “We don't want to aggravate your boyfriend and make him screw up right before the big event."

"He wants to talk to you."

"I’m quite certain he doesn't."

"Yes, he does. He has practice to keep him busy now, butㅡ"

"Baekhyun, he's my best friend," Chanyeol kept smiling, but it wasn’t a smile that quite reached his ears. "I know him. And even if I didn't, if I were in his place, I'd be pretty pissed with me, too."

"I hate seeing you guys like this," Baekhyun sighed and realized he should've kept his mouth shut as soon as Chanyeol looked away.

"I guess you'll have to put up with it for a while more," his ex said. "But I'll try to talk to him, okay?"

Baekhyun could only nod in shame. He didn’t mean to place a new burden on Chanyeol’s shoulders. He just wanted them to go back to when they could all hangout without it being too… serious? Awkward?

He let Chanyeol leave the cafe without saying anything else. Saying nothing more when he risked saying the wrong thing was the least he could do. Besides, the cast on his ex's arm was a reminder that the change he feared was here.

As Baekhyun pondered on the rift between Sehun and Chanyeol, he fished for his wallet and proceeded to place his order. Coffee was a must to start the day, and today he felt like having something warm and sweet for comfort. Some would argue that coffee should not be sweet, but people have free will and Baekhyun wasn’t about to exercise his freedom to consume mother nature’s version of liquid spite.

"Hi."

“Oh,” Baekhyun blinked his eyes upon averting his gaze from the display of cakes to the cashier, and it surprised him that working the register was Chanyeol's date from Sehun’s birthday celebration. "Hello!" he smiled. "Kyungsoo right?"

"You remember huh?" Chanyeol's date teased as the guy punched his order in. "That’s unexpected."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"The guy that just walked out of those doors didn't," Kyungsoo shrugged. "I guess he wasn't as smart as he looked."

Baekhyun glanced at the door and found no one else outside. Could Kyungsoo have meant Chanyeol...? Chanyeol forgot his own date's name? Well… knowing Chanyeol, it wasn't _impossible_ , butㅡ

"He’s an idiot. It takes him an entire semester to even memorize his seatmate’s name," Baekhyun assured.

"Ah. Really?"

"Yes! Absolutely!"

Baekhyun didn't know why he was defending Chanyeol, fully knowing the cons of his ex’s personality. Maybe he just didn't want to see disappointment on Kyungsoo’s face. Having been a victim of a narcissistic asshole before, maybe he wanted to buffer what little amount of pain he could for others before the seed could sprout bountiful insecurity.

"If you say so," Kyungsoo smiled. The barista didn't believe him, Baekhyun knew, but Kyungsoo didn’t really seem to mind Chanyeol’s ineptness when it comes to other people’s identities.

Kyungsoo was interested in Chanyeol. Baekhyun has always been able to sense this kind of thing. He thought, maybe, he could make it happen; or at least, make Chanyeol pay enough attention to someone new and lay down the foundation of a potential relationship for his ex, so Baekhyun made friends with Kyungsoo. Besides, he needed someone who wasn't his ex nor his boyfriend; he needed a break away from those boys’ drama.

"By any chance, you and Chanyeol.. Hmm, how do I say it... youㅡ"

"Say it. It's fine," Baekhyun sipped on his drink.

"Oh. Okay. Do you like him?"

"Nope!" The answer from Baekhyun’s lips was decisive and instant. "Sehun's my boyfriend. If you remember the other tall guy."

"I know," Kyungsoo nodded coolly. "I just wanted to clear that up."

Baekhyun liked Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was awfully frank, but that just meant less 'reading between the lines.' He has had enough of that with Chanyeol. He hoped that while he was distracting himself with newfound friendship, his ex and his boyfriend were trying to keep theirs together.

Chanyeol kept his word. Baekhyun was pleasantly surprised to catch the two together one day. It was the first sighting of the ParkHun tandem since the fight.

It didn't mean Baekhyun wasn't nervous about it, though. Chanyeol didn't always think before speaking while Sehun spoke too little of what he really thought. Despite not being religious, the encounter made Baekhyun clasp his hand in prayer and hope for the best from his secret corner. If he revealed himself, the two men of his lives would be all self-conscious or upset again, and he didn’t want any more of the latter happening.

Surprisingly, it was actually Sehun who broke the ice.

"I'm still pissed at you," said Baekhyun’s boyfriend.

"I figured."

"Why didn't you just tell me? That you were the ex?"

"Was I supposed to say 'Hey, I'm the guy who ruined relationships for the person you’re in love with'?"

"It would've been better than fooling me."

"I wasn't fooling you," Baekhyun heard Chanyeol say, but even if it were the truth, the silence that shortly ensued seemed to only fuel the fire of Sehun’s hurt and suspicions.

"What were you doing then?" Sehun's voice got louder. "You admitted you're not over yet!"

Listening was more than enough. Baekhyun wasn't brave enough to hear any of this, wasn’t brave enough for what was happening. It didn’t have to be this big of a deal. Chanyeol would move on eventually.

"Did you enjoy it?! All those times I asked you for advice?! You were the first to know! Were you laughing at me this whole time?!" Sehun was shouting every word at this point. "Every time I left you two alone, it was because I trusted you! I knew he was safe with you!"

Chanyeol still wasn't talking.

"I was hoping you'd be friends,” Sehun said, as if he’d just been robbed of something dear to him. “I thought I was helping you be friends so things wouldn’t be awkward..."

Baekhyun bit his lip. His heart was racing.

"I trusted you with Baekhyun and youㅡyou didn't _even_ fucking trust me enough to tell me that you were way, _way_ past being friends with him!"

There was a sigh.

"I didn't say anything because it wasn't supposed to matter. I decided it wasn't going to matter," Chanyeol finally spoke. "Yeah.. I'm in love with your boyfriend, Sehun," he admitted, and for someone who hated getting yelled at, Chanyeol sounded unbelievably calm. "But that's it."

"No! That's notㅡ"

"Will you fucking listen? I _just_ said Baekhyun is your boyfriend. He chose _you_ . _You're_ the boyfriend. I'm _just_ the ex."

Baekhyun braved to take a peek, just as Chanyeol carded a hand through his own dark hair.

"I understand that you're angry, Sehun, but he and I are over. Have been for a long time."

"Forget about him then," Sehun said after a while. "I don't want to lose you, you’re my best friend, but Iㅡ… I don’t ever want to see you together. I don't want you getting near him, alright? _Never_ be alone with him."

Baekhyun couldn't hear what Chanyeol's response was. Or if his ex ever did respond. Whatever Chanyeol must have said or done, it must have sufficed. After a while, Sehun accepted the answer and finally walked away.

Baekhyun immediately got up to follow after his boyfriend. He couldn't help it, so he looked back just in time for his ex to see him.

This time, Chanyeol didn't smile.


	6. Six

Baekhyun couldn't tell if things were better or worse after that, but he was certain that things never really returned to how they were before.

Sehun talked to Chanyeol again. All three of them hung out together again, but Chanyeol only really talked to him whenever his boyfriend was present. He was nothing more than a ghost or a wall; hell, Baekhyun felt like he was furniture as soon as Sehun was out of sight. It was the most awkward he had ever been with Chanyeol.

True to word, Baekhyun was never alone with his ex for longer than a minute or two. It was going to take a while to call this set up ‘normal’, but it was much better than the weeks that Chanyeol and Sehun pretended to be strangers. Baekhyun was relieved that Sehun finally seemed to get some of the weight off his own chest. His boyfriend was visibly happier having exchanges with his best friend again.

The day Sehun really relaxed was the day Chanyeol showed up after his boyfriend's practice.

With company.

"Hi guys. You remember Kyungsoo?"

"I do!" Baekhyun excitedly answeredㅡfor him and Sehun bothㅡand jumped off the bleachers towards the couple. "Hi! What brings you here, Kyungsoo?"

"I was bored at the cafe," Kyungsoo replied when Chanyeol failed to get the obvious hint that the former was expecting him to supply a response instead.

"Ah I see~" Baekhyun nodded. "You're safe from boredom now!"

"The manager position is available," Sehun suddenly spoke, startling them all. "Last time you mentioned you have experience with that, didn't you?"

"Oh. Uh, yeah, I did," Kyungsoo looked stumped and hesitant, deferring to Chanyeol who shrugged.

"Why don't you?" Chanyeol said. "The view around here will be way better then."

"I'll think about it," Kyungsoo replied, which Baekhyun will later discover to be the barista’s longer and much cooler version of saying 'yes'.

Kyungsoo really liked Chanyeol... Catching Kyungsoo staring at his ex soon became a normal occurrence. The guy was quite discreet about it, but even Sehun’s noticed the glances. Baekhyun thought Kyungsoo had intense eyes, the kind of gaze that could make anyone melt.

To be Do Kyungsoo’s object of affection… Park Chanyeol really must be special. Baekhyun wondered then, was that what he also looked like to other people back then when he still used to wait for Chanyeol to look his way? Was that how he looked at Sehun now?

Baekhyun couldn't say he was happy but... there was nothing to be sad about. What he was feeling… was it relief? Because Sehun didn't see Chanyeol as an enemy now…? He couldn't shake this unexplainable feeling, but not everything needed to make sense right away. No one could force it to.

The day that his ex’s cast finally came off, Chanyeol wasted no time to return to archery. Sehun likewise dedicated most of his free time into swimming laps and perfecting his form for this season’s Swimming Championships. With the dynamic duo being preoccupied with sports, Baekhyun found himself hanging out with Kyungsoo at the cafe more often.

Finally, he could have the peace and quiet he sorely needed.

"So, Soo..."

"Yeah?"

"I have something to ask. Don't take it the wrong way, okay?"

Kyungsoo scoffed. "Are you really telling me that? Me?"

Baekhyun was going to wait until Kyungsoo finished wiping the last table but the barista urged him to begin asking, so he did.

"Why Chanyeol?" Baekhyun bunched his brows and stopped chewing his drink's straw. "He's... to put it simply, he’s a piece of work. He barely keeps up with you in conversations and yet..."

"Frankly, I like his face," Kyungsoo said.

"His face," Baekhyun repeated. "You like his face."

"Yeah. I despise his height, though."

"For real...?"

"Sorry, I'm not really the romantic type," the barista said.

'Oh... how low maintenance. As expected, Kyungsoo’s so cool,' Baekhyun thought to himself. "How'd you meet him?"

"To disappoint you further, I'm going to come clean and tell you outright that I have nothing profound to say about Chanyeol," Kyungsoo answered.

"I'm not disappointed," Baekhyun clarified. "Honestly, I can't imagine you not insulting him in that polite way that you normally do."

"Why is that?"

"I mean... It's _you_ ," Baekhyun bit on his straw again and sipped the rest of his juice. "Would you say his ears are cute?"

"Would you?" Kyungsoo asked in return. "Do you think of touching them gently because they're pretty sensitive and it makes him smile?"

"That! That kind of thing is exactly what I meant!" Baekhyun pointed a finger at Kyungsoo. "That was weird! You just gave me goosebumps!"

"Baekhyun," the barista's tone as the guy wiped his own hands clean and sat across made Baekhyun weak. "That's exactly what you meant?"

"What? No, I meantㅡit was an example. Hearing things like that from you wㅡ"

"He's not interested."

"What?"

"He said he's not interested."

But... they hung out together, didn't they? Kyungsoo and Chanyeol went out on dates. Sehun told him. The three of them went out together sometimes.

"What?" Baekhyun was confused.

"There's a difference between being single and emotionally unavailable. He’s both," Kyungsoo shared, and Baekhyun truly admired how the other man could always speak so nonchalantly, even when the topic required some amount of vulnerability.

"I… I don't understand. You're happy together, aren’t you?"

"We're seeing where things will go," Kyungsoo said. "Like I said, I like his face."

Baekhyun realized he had been pretty selfish in wanting things to remain the same. He had been stupid too. Feelings don’t just disappear when you tell them to. If Chanyeol wanted to keep his best friend, his lies had to be believable to Sehun.

Chanyeol started dating Kyungsoo within two months of that 'talk' with Sehun. Baekhyun thought nothing of it aside from the initial impression of how contradictory his ex was being, but he supposed Chanyeol always moved fast when he wanted to. Besides, Baekhyun had no thought to spare anymore for an old flame.

"Hey Baek," Chanyeol had a grin when they saw each other, but it was easily replaced by the face of a child that just found a hurt puppy. "Ya, what's wrong?" his ex asked, quick to check on Baekhyun for any injuries.

Really? Of all people Baekhyun could stumble across, it just had to be Chanyeol?

"What's wrong with you, Chanyeol?"

"Excuse me?"

"I said, what's wrong with you?"

"Yeah, a simple 'I'm fine thanks' would've been enough."

"When are you going to stop?!"

“Huh?!” Chanyeol took a step back. "Geez, I'm sorry!"

"You're not!"

"Wait, what the hell is this even about?"

"We're fine, aren't we? We're friends now, right?" Baekhyun didn't mean to shout. He wasn't really angry either, he was just very confused.

Of course, they were fine.

But friends?

"Yeah,” Chanyeol responded. “We are."

Baekhyun knew Chanyeol too well to know that lie escaped those lips a second too late. "You said you've changed. And yet you're here again, Chanyeol, dating someone who really, _really_ likes you and not being there for him."

"And what makes you say that I'm not there for him?" Chanyeol answered. "Who are you to tell me how I should handle my relationship?"

Baekhyun's mind went black at being on the receiving end of that scowl again after such a long time. He almost forgot what _he_ himself was.

An ex.

 _Chanyeol’s_ ex.

"I'll say it for you, Baekhyun," Chanyeol said. "You're my ex. You're the guy who told me to stop bringing up the past. And I got over you. So... we’re done here?" his ex asked as the man pointed at Baekhyun’s sleeve. "If you're going to cry, do it in front of Sehun so he can comfort you."

"And what? So he can break your arm again?" Baekhyun replied, and he instantly hated how his voice trembled.

Chanyeol looked even less happy with that.

"You're right. I should keep my nose out of your business," Baekhyun heaved and shouldered his ex out of the way. "I'll see you later."

And 'later' meant walking towards the pool.

Running.

Then shaking his head at Sehun who already knew to hug and kiss him without asking.

"Sorryㅡ"

"I love you," was all that Sehun had to say, but it already reminded Baekhyun of the difference between his boyfriend and his ex. Sehun made being in a relationship seem so light, so easy, and when Sehun kissed him once more, it made Baekhyun forget why he’d been crying in the first place.

After a week or so, Baekhyun reflected on the mess inside his head. Initially, he felt guilty that Chanyeol had gotten hurt because of him, but now he felt fine. Freed. Having Chanyeol call him nothing but an ex was liberating, in a sense. Indeed, that was nosy of him to accuse Chanyeol of not caring for Kyungsoo.

It made Baekhyun feel ashamed to continue hanging out with Kyungsoo, who didn’t seem to know of his most recent encounter with Chanyeol. Thankfully, Chanyeol wasn’t the type to tattle. Kyungsoo wasn’t really one to talk about the person he was currently involved with either, so they fortunately rarely ever talked about Baekhyun’s ex.

"The coach scolded Sehun the other day," Kyungsoo mentioned one afternoon. The barista was now the university’s team manager. "Said your boyfriend was distracted."

“Distracted with what?" Baekhyun was once again chewing on his straw and blowing bubbles into his boba whenever Kyungsoo wasn’t looking.

"I don't know.. you know how your boyfriend is."

That was odd. Sehun hadn't mentioned anything.

When Baekhyun got the chance to ask about the scolding, he was on his way home. His boyfriend was clinging to him and was slumped on his back.

"Ah, I'm so tired~ Please just tie me to your bed and never let me out of your apartment," Sehun kept sighing.

"Are you tempting me, Hun?"

"Is it working?" His boyfriend chuckled, pressing himself against Baekhyun’s behind. "Ah~~ I've been missing you so much these days. Let's stay in okay?"

"Is this why your coach keeps you on a tight leash lately?"

"I'm just young and in love."

Baekhyun scrunched his nose. "You're shameless."

"Mm. Yeah," Baekhyun let Sehun hug his waist tighter and use the top of his head as a chin rest. "Hey... if I get gold this Friday, can I get a reward?"

"You've never asked before," Baekhyun poked at his boyfriend's hands. "Sure. What do you want to get?"

"I… haven't thought about it yet."

"What? Why not?"

"Kyungsoo suggested it the other day to keep myself focused," Sehun explained. "I didn't think you'd agree this easily."

"Let's talk after you get that gold then," Baekhyun promised.


	7. Seven

Kyungsoo told him Sehun bounced right back on track that it was almost scary.

Sehun was stubborn by nature, but it was often one of many strong points. Determination made his boyfriend the coach's favorite; a champion. Friday, the day of the competition, finally came in the blink of an eye.

Baekhyun was buying himself a drink when hands came up behind him to cover his eyes.

"Guess who!"

"Sehun, aren't you supposed to be warming up?"

"I did! I don't know, I'm a bit nervous."

"But why?"

"You're going to watch me this time."

"Were you looking for me?" Baekhyun asked, he had already seen his boyfriend naked before, but he still couldn't help but stare at the dip and swell of Sehun's muscles.

"You appeared just as I thought that I wanted to see you. I'm less nervous now but, ah, I'm still nervous! You'll cheer for me, won't you?"

"Of course."

Sehun leaned closer, and Baekhyun let him. They began to kiss. Slowly, sensually. Baekhyun wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and decided he could just buy that drink later.

"You can say no, okay?” Sehun said, kissing on Baekhyun’s neck and turning him mush.

"Just lead the way so I can give you my 'good luck'," Baekkhyun half-moaned and whispered as he pulled his boyfriend back up for another heated kiss.

Another nibble on his boyfriend's lips was all it took to motivate Sehun to lead him somewhere else, somewhere more private. Baekhyun didn't know he liked the thrill of possibly getting caught until he was kneeling in the locker room and Sehun was choking him with a mouthful of cock. He could still taste Sehun's warm cum on his tongue when he returned to his seat to finally hand over the drink and the snacks that he promised to buy for Chanyeol and Kyungsoo in the first place.

"You sure took a while. You ate, didn't you!" His ex immediately accused. "You didn't want to share!"

"Excuse _you_ Park, I came back with food to share."

"Oh yeah? You still got cream on your chin."

"What?" Baekhyun made a wipe.

"Ehhh~ not there," Chanyeol said as the guy scooted closer. "Geez, your lips are pretty red, too. Was it something spicy?" His ex grumbled, raising a hand to Baekhyun’s face.

Baekhyun immediately stopped Chanyeol, who very much resembled a puzzled dog. Before Baekhyun could say, 'I just sucked Sehun off', Kyungsoo handed his ex a napkin.

"He must think your hand is dirty," Kyungsoo said.

Chanyeol looked put off as he stared at the napkin in his own hand.

"But you did take a while. Did you see Sehun?" Kyungsoo asked.

"I did," Baekhyun nodded right before he glanced at Chanyeol, whose childish pout was now gone. His ex still wiped his face. A bit too hard. Like a mother would when her kid was being obnoxious.

"The next time you put anything in your mouth, clean up properly," Chanyeol muttered with a press on his lips.

Oh, Baekhyun was _sure_ his ex knew what he put in his mouth now, and the way Chanyeol looked so serious made him nervous, so he did the first thing that came to mind.

"Ow!?"

Baekhyun bit Chanyeol's finger.

Obviously it didn't make Chanyeol any happier, so he saved himself by sitting at Kyungsoo's other side and avoided locking eyes with his ex.

Time couldn't get any slower while they waited for Sehun. But, once his boyfriend's turn finally turned up, time felt a bit too fast. Baekhyun felt his cheeks heat up when Sehun turned to their directionㅡjust a quick glanceㅡand he watched his boyfriend turn into a beast.

That was _his_ boyfriend right there. Baekhyun felt proud. He didn't know anything about swimming, but he knew he was looking at strength and grace. He had goosebumps all over and his knees were weak. Ah, it wasn't good for his heart.

Kyungsoo left before the winners were announced.

So it were just him and Chanyeol in the audience, looking at a wet Sehun with a new gold medal.

"Cocky bastard. He knew he'd win," He heard his ex say.

"Ah~ this is great! He was nervous about this for weeks," Baekhyun sighed with a hand over his heart.

Chanyeol was staring at him quietly. "You know, he told me you were giving him a reward," his ex said as they made their way down to congratulate Sehun.

"Yep, he asked for it."

"Can Iㅡ"

He was sure Chanyeol was going to say something, but once they were reunited with his boyfriend, all his attention went to Sehun.

Sehun kissed him. Right there and then. Kyungsoo coughed. The team jeered. The coach let it slide. Chanyeol stopped and stood at the side.

"Thanks for the good luck," His boyfriend whispered as they prepared to leave. "I'll get my reward later."

If there was anything he didn't know about Sehun yet, it was his boyfriend's drunk side, and Sehun let himself loose in the victory party. Aside from being Sehun's boyfriend, he had no reason to be there. Baekhyun was stuck avoiding other jocks and wondering where Sehun was.

Kyungsoo looked bored, too.

"Where's Chanyeol?" he asked the barista slash team manager who wasn't interested in the team members at all.

"I wouldn't be here if I knew," Kyungsoo shouted over the club's loud music.

Chanyeol wouldn't drink. His ex was the designated driver.

When Baekhyun finally found Sehun, he found Chanyeol too. In fact, he found them obstructing the way to the VIP bathroom, and his boyfriend was jabbing a finger at his ex's chest.

"Stay away from him," Sehun hissed with a slight slur.

"For fuck's sake we've been over this a hundred times," Chanyeol growled back. "For how long are you going to hound me for this, Sehun?"

His ex sounded angry, but Chanyeol's posture remained composed. Sehun smelled like a couple of shots too many when Baekhyun coughed.

"Hey."

"Oh, hi babe~" Sehun smiled and trapped him in a hug. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

Baekhyun glanced at Chanyeol who gestured to play along. "I want to go home, Hun," he answered truthfully, instead.

Sehun pouted. "But my reward... not yet?" His boyfriend wanted to stay longer. 

"I think your coach is looking for you," Chanyeol intervened, slinging an arm around Sehun while pointing at a random direction. "He's mad."

Sehun frowned and shoved his ex off with the force of a drunk man. "Fine," his boyfriend said, tugging Baekhyun along until Chanyeol stopped him.

"He said it's a team round," Chanyeol lied and pried their hands apart.

"Ah," Sehun kissed Baekhyun's cheek. "I'll be back for you babe."

Baekhyun didn't feel so good, watching Sehun like that. "You didn't have to do that. He looked really mad at you."

"Nah. He's just drunk."

That didn't seem like a random tirade by a drunk man, though...

"He's not going to remember any of this in the morning," Chanyeol shrugged.

"Does this happen often?"

"Does what happen often? Sehun getting pissed and making an ass out of himself?"

"No, you looking out for someone else at his expense."

"He doesn't really get out of hand like this often," Chanyeol explained. "So yeah, I guess you can say I'm only really looking out for you."

"But that's what friends do, right?" His ex smiled. "They look out for each other. You would've stopped him again if he punched me, right?"

"What?"

"I saidㅡ"

"Oh. Uh, yeah! Yes, totally," Baekhyun smiled back and took that first step out of the bathroom. "That'sㅡ"

"Hey, ex."

"What?" Baekhyun asked with a self-conscious sigh as he turned to look back at the other man.

Hands suddenly came up to his cheeks.

Chanyeol kissed him.

And Baekhyun terrified himself with the thought that he might have begun to kiss back if Chanyeol hadn't pulled away as quickly as their lips met.

"I wish I was drunk right now," Chanyeol laughed. "I'd kiss you like before, and it wouldn't hurt because I wouldn't remember tomorrow."

What a stupid, irritating laugh it was… Baekhyun was angry and many other things. "But you're not drunk," his breath was shaky. "At all."

"I'm already your ex. What's another mistake when each time you look at me, all you see is a huge X saying 'don't make this mistake again'?"

"Don't. Please. Just don't," Baekhyun wanted to cry. "An X means we already fucked up. We look back at everything but that X and move on."

Chanyeol slammed a fist against the bathroom door beside him, grip tight around his wrist as his ex let out a suppressed cry of frustration.

"I know! I fucking do! But why can't I see anything but that X? Why can I do anything but move past where that X is? Why am I stuck here?"

Baekhyun felt something wet on his skin when Chanyeol embraced him, breath warm against his neck. "Hyun.. why am I the only one stuck here?"

No matter how bad he felt, or anything else, Baekhyun wasn't going to let pityㅡhe was sure it was pityㅡlead them into making another regret. He let himself hug Chanyeol back, it was the least he could do, but nothing more.

Then he said, "Just keep trying, Chanyeol."

And left.


	8. Eight

Just like his ex said last night, Sehun remembered little the following morning.

Baekhyun remembered, though.  He remembered the reward. He remembered what Sehun said w hile he had whimpered underneath his boyfriend, who smelled like tequila shots and was balls deep inside him.

_ "Forget about Chanyeol." _

_ "Forget all about him. Forget he was ever your ex," _ that was all that Sehun muttered as his boyfriend came inside him.  _ "Don't even look at him." _

Nothing he said lasted enough to remain in Sehun's memory. His boyfriend kissed him good morning, oblivious to the hickeys on his thighs.

"Is it just me or... you're limping," Sehun had the audacity to inquire once the man finally noticed.

" _ You _ did this to me," Baekhyun huffed.

"Oh…” Sehun was beginning to blush, seemingly proud of himself. “How can I make it better?"

Truthfully, Baekhyun didn't know how to answer. What could make 'forgetting Chanyeol' better? He owed that 'reward' to his boyfriend but, since Sehun couldn't remember asking for it, he fooled himself into believing it didn't count.

Things just seemed to spiral down from there.

\---

"Waitㅡwhat?"

"I just don't think it'll ever work," Kyungsoo talked to him a few weeks later.

"And why do you say that?"

"You know exactly why, Baekhyun."

"No, I don't know why so tell me why you suddenly changed your mind."

"There's someone else," Kyungsoo sighed. He has never heard Kyungsoo sigh like that before. "Even if he won't admit it, I know there is."

"A-Are you sure?"

"We're good. He's perfect, to be honest. But I'm in it for Chanyeol, not someone perfect. It's... I don't know, boring."

Kyungsoo smiled, laughed and insulted Chanyeol like normal, though, after they had that talk. Kyungsoo was a liar, too, Baekhyun realized.

Meanwhile, Chanyeol was trying to move on. His ex read books to try to impress Kyungsoo and initiated skinship more often. Kyungsoo looked happier. Chanyeol's smile had never looked so fake, it almost made Baekhyun sick.

Sehun didn't care whether his own best friend was making a fool out of himself. But Baekhyun cared. He didn't want to, but he did care, so after weeks of ignoring the pathetic ghost of Park Chanyeol, he finally gave in.

"Sehun doesn't want to see us together," Chanyeol had been the one to remind him.

"He's my boyfriend, not my mom."

His ex sighed tiredly.

He didn't let Chanyeol side step him so easily. "Tell me honestly, do you like Do Kyungsoo?"

"I could, okay?" the other man groaned.

Baekhyun followed his ex around even if Chanyeol refused to talk to him.

To the library.

To a cafe.

To dinner.

"Are you seriously doing this?"

"Why are you talking to me? You said Sehun doesn't want us talking," Baekhyun replied, making his ex roll his own eyes.

"Don't you start with me."

"Okay, stopping,"  He just wanted to give Chanyeol some sort of distraction, he didn't expect Chanyeol to stop walking and become a huge wall to crash into.  "What are you doing?" Baekhyun questioned when his ex turned on a heel and started to tug him to where they came from.

"We forgot something."

"No, we didn't. I checked before we left."

"I changed my mind. Let's just go get coffee."

"There's a cafe right aroundㅡ"

"Don't like it."

Baekhyun wrung himself free. "But we're already here! So let's just go to that one okay?"

"No, Baekhyunㅡ"

They saw Kyungsoo around the corner.

"Oh hey it'sㅡ" Baekhyun was about to say, but Chanyeol pulled him back, rather harshly.

"Let's just go someplace else," his ex sounded weird so he just pushed forward.

Baekhyun waved, about to call Kyungsoo who seemed to be in a hurry. But then, he saw Sehun, too. Then Chanyeol made the view disappear.

"Why was Sehun with him?" Baekhyun asked his ex as he looked up.  Chanyeol didn't say anything, just pulled him away so he didn't have to see it.  "Ya, Chanyeol, why aren't you answering me?"

"You're seeing things."

No.  _ No _ , he wasn't. He couldn't ever mistake anyone else for Sehun.

"Where are we even going?" Baekhyun asked, his legs felt heavier. "IㅡI have to call Sehun. I have toㅡ"

"That wasn't Sehun." His ex was lying.  _ Blatantly  _ lying.

"That was Sehun! You know it was! Sehun justㅡ"

"It doesn't mean anything. You're tired, I'm sleepy as fuck, we're both just seeing things."

"Seeing things? Both of us?" Baekhyun was shouting. "How can you be calm about this? That was  _ your  _ best friend with the guy you're seeing!"

"Because I don't know what to do anymore Baekhyun!" Chanyeol roared. "Sehun and I just aren't as close as we used to be, okay? Even you can tell! No matter how hard I convince myself to keep trying, things between Kyungsoo and I just aren't working out. I'm exhausted, okay? Fuck this. I'm tired of being angry and tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm both right now. I'm mad and I fucking hate myself for being here, soㅡ"

Chanyeol took a deep, long breath and leaned on his shoulder. "If you could just... let me forget about all this, okay? Even just for a day. Or an hour. Even just an hour. I'll really appreciate it, Hyun. But if not, thenㅡthen please leave me out of it. I don't want to be angry. Not tonight."

Baekhyun was angry and tired, too, but right now, he couldn’t even begin to think of prioritizing himself when Chanyeol looks about to fall apart. After a short while, he nudges his ex and asks, "Just tonight?"

"Yeah," Chanyeol mumbled. "Because I won't have you tomorrow like I had you today."

It wasn't pity.

What Baekhyun felt in that moment was... something much more familiar, and it was terribly far from pity.

"...Fine," Baekhyun surrendered and began to walk.

"Where are you going?" Chanyeol asked.

"To that cafe you were talking about."

Although Baekhyun’s heart was about to burst, he somehow managed to convince himself that he could talk to Sehun later. He needed to be calm for now. Chanyeol needed him right now.

It was the most awkward coffee he has ever had in his life. He ended up drinking Chanyeol's too because his ex hated it and fell asleep. Baekhyun hated the coffee, something that tastes like the condensed form of all the bitterness in the world had no business existing.

Baekhyun hated that he sat there and watched Chanyeol, and he hated how he played with those ears and watched as it made Chanyeol smile in his sleep. He hated Chanyeol's stupid big nose and that dumb smile.

Why did everything about Chanyeol have to be big?

Even that huge fucking X.

But Baekhyun would never admit it, not out loud, that while he watched Chanyeol sleep...

He couldn't see that X.

To him, Chanyeol was a regret. Chanyeol was many things to him. But Chanyeol wasn't a mistake.

When Baekhyun woke up, he found himself in the passenger’s seat of Chanyeol's car.

"Gee Baek, I hate to tell you this but I got a lot beefier just from carrying you all the way here from the cafe."

Baekhyun punched his ex's arm while he groaned and rubbed his eyes.

"Wow. You're welcome, Baekhyun," Chanyeol laughed.

"Mm... I missed this," Baekhyun said, looking at the man he called his ex and thinking, no one else but Chanyeol has made falling in love seem this easy.

Park Chanyeol was dumb. But hey. Byun Baekhyun was dumber for not realizing it sooner… He was… possibly… in love with Chanyeol again, especially as Chanyeol so nonchalantly replied with a heartfelt, "Well, I missed you."

"Thanks for dropping me off," Baekhyun told Chanyeol as they reached his apartment.

He watched his ex flash a smile, almost bashful, "Yeah. Thanks for being there when I woke up."

"So... I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Later," Chanyeol corrected him. "I mean. I'm hoping I'd see you later. But this is just 3AM me talking."

Chanyeol's car remained in the driveway until he got into his apartment.

Once alone, Baekhyun finally remembered what he had seen.

His boyfriend with someone else. His boyfriend running to catch someone else. His boyfriend's arm reaching for someone else's waist… Then he thought about how Chanyeol had actually noticed them together first.

How Chanyeol stepped in front of him...

How Chanyeol covered up for Sehun…

How Chanyeol was willing to lie for Sehun...

Chanyeol said it wasn't Sehun.

Baekhyun knew it was.

But he just didn't have the heart to believe that Sehun would ever do that to him, so he ignored that white shirt in his binㅡthe same white v neck he saw Sehun wearing last nightㅡand cuddled close to his sleeping boyfriend.

Sehun stirred and pulled him closer with a groggy, "Where have you been?"

Baekhyun just pressed himself against his boyfriend's naked chest.

"Sehun, can we talk later..? I have something to ask."

Sehun had said yes, but Sehun was gone the next time that Baekhyun opened his eyes.

* * *

After that, Baekhyun noticed little things. Maybe he was tired and was over thinking like Chanyeol had said, but Sehun texting Kyungsoo even while they were together didn't make sense anymore. Why would Kyungsoo text Sehun about training while he and Sehun were out on a date?

That one time that Kyungsoo told him that being with Chanyeol was boring, Baekhyun thought it was because Chanyeol was too predictable. He agreed. Somewhat. Chanyeol could weirdly be by the book when it came to romance.

Every time they were all together, Baekhyun stared too long at Sehun and Kyungsoo, waiting for them to make a mistake. He'd catch Chanyeol looking. Chanyeol always broke them apart into their rightful pairs. But, maybe, he was over thinking about that, too.

Baekhyun didn't know what to think now.

Kyungsoo still obviously liked Chanyeol, who was just as obviously trying to be a good boyfriend.

Baekhyun wanted to really talk to Sehun. It couldn't wait anymore. But it led him to see something not even Chanyeol could cover up for.

"Sehun..."

Was it karma..? For not forgetting his ex even when his boyfriend told him to? Did he not give enough to Sehun?

"For how long?"

When Baekhyun finally caught them, Kyungsoo was startled to see him. Kyungso was… but Sehun wasn't.

"A while," his boyfriend just said.

"He's lying, Baekhyun! Nothing happened between usㅡ"

'Like hell nothing happened,' Baekhyun couldn't help but laugh as he slammed the locker room's door behind him.

Kyungsoo had kissed Sehun back. He saw. He wasn't fucking wrong when he had seen it the first time. God, was it too much to ask for a boyfriend that wouldn't cheat on him?  He kept his apartment door locked, but he forgot Sehun had his spare key.

"Baekhyun, listenㅡ"

"How dare you show yourself to me tonight!"

"I wasn't cheating on you," Sehun argued. "Whatever you saw, it meant nothing."

"How was making out with Kyungsoo not cheating? How?! If it meant nothing, then why did you do it at all?!" Baekhyun yelled and didn't let his boyfriend touch him. "What was that fucking for?!"

"Will you just calm down? Let's talk about this."

"'A while', Hun? You've been doing it for 'a while'?!"

"Nothing happened, alright?!"

"How dare you lie to my face like this," Baekhyun was livid. He felt so humiliated, so betrayed. He was so fucking angry, his eyes watered.

Sehun did what his boyfriend always did when they fought. He was cornered to be distracted and overwhelmed by a hard kiss and a harder body. The moment his lips were pried open for him and a tongue slipped inside, Baekhyun bit. He bit down hard and he pushed an angered Sehun off.

"It was just a kiss!" Sehun growled and yanked him back by the wrist. "I never intended to leave you for him!"

"You still cheated on me! That's not how it works, Sehun. That  _ meant  _ something to me. You can't make out with someone else and not call yourself a cheater afterwards. You’re not  _ faithful  _ when you kiss someone else behind my back!"

"I didn't do it to hurt you."

"How can you still say that? How?" Baekhyun cried. "You justㅡthat was your best friend's boyfriend, Sehun!"

He could taste blood. Sehun bit his lip too hard. But it didn't hurt as much as the fact that Sehun did cheat or the answer to his 'why'.

"I wanted to hurt him," Sehun admitted as his boyfriend threw him back down on his couch and simply stood in front of him.

"What...?"

"Chanyeol," he listened to Sehun say. "He's the one that I wanted to hurt."

"But Chanyeolㅡ"

"He's what? What about him is it this time?"

Baekhyun couldn't say anything. He couldn't compete with his boyfriend's voice, and there was nothing to argue with when it came down to him and Chanyeol being exes. Sehun was still angry over Chanyeol's lie; over Chanyeol's betrayal because Chanyeol still looked at him.

"The only reason you ever said yes to me was because he groomed me to become someone you'd want to date. So you weren't dating me, Baekhyun. It wasn't me you wanted when we started going out. It was him. It's still him. I'm just the fool, and that's what still pisses me off."

Baekhyun frustratedly wiped his eyes. "Making your best friend suffer even more... has it helped? Has it made you feel better at all?"

Sehun didn't reply, not until he tried to escape and lock himself in his bedroom. "I don't know how to let it go," his boyfriend said. "I can't."

Baekhyun closed the door, let himself sink at its foot, and hid his face because his eyes continued to burn.

He understood what Sehun felt. He knew what being unable to let go was like. After all, he spent years feeling that way.

All it took was a moment to bring him back there.

"Baekhyun," for a few good hours, his name was the only thing he heard from the other side of the door.

Another slammed shut. Then nothing.

The following day, Kyungsoo apologized. Said Sehun had been pestering him... telling Kyungsoo about Chanyeol's past with someone else. Baekhyun didn't understand why he couldn't look Kyungsoo straight in the eye. Then again, he suddenly didn't understand where he was now.

"It was a moment of weakness," Kyungsoo admitted. "I confronted Chanyeol. He didn't deny it. That day, I was just.. tired, I guess."

Baekhyun knew that feeling. He knew what it was like to be tired of pretending there was even the slightest chance of a 'them' happening. He wasn't mad at Kyungsoo. He couldn't be at someone who just happened to get tangled in that mess, so he hugged his friend. They were okay. They didn't argue, but it didn't mean Baekhyun wanted to stay in the other's presence any longer.

Sehun texted him to come home. No way. His boyfriend could wait for a few more hours. He had to be alone for now. He was going to be angry for now. But the universe didn't agree.

An arrow landed by his feet. Baekhyun stopped swinging, digging his shoes in the sand of the playground, to stabilize himself and stare at it.

"You usually take the other route," he heard Chanyeol say. "Are you okay?"

"Were you trying to shoot me?" Baekhyun asked, hastily wiping his eyes while the other was still out of view.

"If I were cupid, I would."

“So fucking cheesy…” Baekhyun grunted; whimpered and refused to look his ex in the eye, not when he’s a mess.

"We're past the awkward, in denial exes stage, right? Soㅡhey," Chanyeol cut himself short and crouched. "Are you crying? Were you crying?"

"No," Of course, Baekhyun had to deny.

But of course, Chanyeol had to deny his denial. "I've seen you cry too many times before to know."

Park Chanyeol was the first of his heartbreaks, after all, so it made a hell lot of sense for Park Chanyeol to discern when he was trying not to cry, too.

Chanyeol stood and pulled Baekhyun into a hug. Like this, Baekhyun could hide his face, and he used this opportunity to cry until his eyes couldn't burn any more than they already were anymore.

"Do you want me to call Sehun for you orㅡ"

"No. No, Iㅡ" Baekhyun sniffed while a hand rubbed his back. "Did you know? About Sehun?"

"What about him?" he couldn't tell whether or not Chanyeol was lying again. "Did you fight?"

"You said it wasn't him, but I caught him."

"Are you sure? Maybeㅡ"

"Why do you keep covering up for him?! Why do you, when heㅡ… He admitted to it, you know? He didn't say sorry. He even said he wasn't cheating.  _ Chanyeol _ , he… he cheated on me."

Chanyeol wiped the last of the tears with a thumb and asked after he calmed down, "Where is he?"

"I don't know."

His ex took out a phone.

"What are you doing?" Baekhyun pulled the man’s arm down, reaching for Chanyeol’s phone to immediately cut the call his ex is making to his boyfriend.

"Tell me where he is," Chanyeol insisted.

"He's waiting at my apartment," Baekhyun answered and stopped Chanyeol from leaving, not like this.

"I'm going to talk to him."

"You  _ never  _ just ‘talk’. What do you intend to do?" Baekhyun asked more desperately as he clung to his ex. The man wasn't scowling, but his ex didn’t have to for him to know that Chanyeol was mad.

"Let me go."

"What are you going do?"

"I'll  _ just  _ talk to him," Chanyeol assured but the way his ex tried to free himself said differently.

"I'm not letting you go anywhere like this," Baekhyun answered.

" _ I'm _ not letting him do this to yㅡ"

His phone rang. Sehun was calling his phone now.

"Pick up," Chanyeol said. There was a threat there, somewhere.

Sehun didn't sound happy either when Baekhyun answered the call.

**_"Where are you?"_ **

"I'mㅡ" Baekhyun's hand was cold against Chanyeol's. "I'm at the cafe."

"I just passed by there," Sehun was commanding. "Where are you?"

Baekhyun got up to leave. He couldn't have Chanyeol and Sehun in the same space right now. But then, Chanyeol grabbed his phone.

"He's with me,” his ex grunted. “Hurry the fuck up."

"What are you doing?" Baekhyun cried as Chanyeol hung up. "Why did you do that?"

"I can stand him being mad at me, Baekhyun, but not this."

Baekhyun attempted to dial Sehun's number again to attempt some form of damage control, perhaps, but Chanyeol was quick to stop him and snatch his phone. Chanyeol was too tall for him to get it back.

"Don't do this. You can stillㅡ"

"I have to. I was ready for everything he wanted to throw at me, but hurting you is where I draw the line."

It didn't take long for Sehun to find them. Sehun’s face was unreadable, fists clenched, especially when Chanyeol got in the way.

"Come here," Sehun’s order was clear.

Chanyeol didn't let Baekhyun take a single step. "Don't you talk to him that way."

"Fuck off, Chanyeol."

Baekhyun whimpered at the painful attempt his boyfriend made to wrench him from Chanyeol, who pushed and grabbed Sehun by the collar.

"I let you cuss at me. Hell, I let you break my arm and my car. I turned a blind eye on every stupid shit you've pulled on me before because I deserved it for lying, but don't you fucking pretend like you haven't done shit yourself."

"Hands off before I break both of your arms this time," Sehun threatened.

"Do it. I'd rather you break them than let you drag Baekhyun."

"Stop! I'll go home," Baekhyun pleaded, he just wanted both of them to stop, but his ex was having none of it.

Sehun didn't hesitate to knock Chanyeol back. "Listen to your  _ ex _ ."

"So that's what it's about?" Chanyeol groaned and held Baekhyun back, anything but to let him go. "It's still about me being the shitty ex?"

"You just wouldn't listen!" Sehun roared. "I told you to back down and what did you do? Youㅡ"

"I dated someone else!  _ That  _ was me listening! How many times do you want to rub it in my face? I'm the fucking ex! What else do you want from me? Why can't you fucking let it go, Sehun?"

"How am I going to let it go when you keep forgetting it?! When you keep finding excuses to be with my boyfriend?! When you're doing  _ this?! _ "

Baekhyun covered his face. He couldn't look at the way Sehun was staring, he couldn't look at Chanyeol who was holding back for him. They were back where they started. Someone was going to get hurt again.

"I can't believe I covered up for you," it was Chanyeol who spoke. "You can't be this foolish. There's a reason why I'm called the ex now. I had my chance, and I fucked it up. You can be angry at me for having lied, but that pales in comparison to how angry I am at you for wasting the chance I want. What exactly do you have to be insecure about, Sehun? You’ve said so yourself over and over; I’m  _ just _ the ex."

Chanyeol wasn't shouting anymore, Baekhyun realized. He remembered how weary Chanyeol already was… Chanyeol had no energy left to defend himself. Whatever ounce of fight left there is in Chanyeol, his ex was using it for him.

For someone who was acting so brave, Chanyeol’s hands were so cold.

"You asked why I can't let it go," Sehun muttered. "I'll ask you this, Yeol: why can't  _ you  _ let Baekhyun go?"

Baekhyun could see how Chanyeol hesitated. Depending on Chanyeol’s answer, it'd be the end. Not better, but the end, regardless. The fact that his boyfriend all but knew what his hesitation meant stung.

Sehun seemed to have already expected this. Baekhyun hated how pained, how disappointed, and how pitiful his boyfriend looked at that moment, especially as Sehun took it upon himself to be the first to let go with an, "I love you," and one last kiss.

Then Baekhyun thoughtㅡif he loved Sehun,  _ really  _ loved Sehun, then he wouldn't have hesitated to let Chanyeol go, would he? There wouldn't have been any hesitation at all, would there?

"Being best friends with Park Chanyeol," Sehun sighed when they parted. "That's the most painful way to become your ex, Baekhyun."

That was how they broke up.

After that one kiss, Baekhyun watched Sehun walk away with an unsaid 'goodbye’. He was glad that it was over… but his heart felt like lead. He looked up after a while, having realized that he’d been staring at the ground for an eternity, and found Chanyeol staring at him.

"Are you never going to let my hand go?" Baekhyun asks meekly.

"Honestly, I can't feel anything right now."

He gave his ex’s icy hand a squeeze. "How about now?"

Chanyeol made an uneasy snort before pulling him closer, sheltering from the cold of the night with a loose embrace. His exㅡhis first heartbreakㅡleaned closer, a gesture to say he was offering his shoulder and more, if Baekhyun needed them.

"What about Kyungsoo?" Baekhyun asked.

"He broke up with me the other day," Chanyeol admitted. "I told him the same thing."

"What thing?"   
  
"That my heart can only fit in one person at a time..." Baekhyun felt his tears return while Chanyeol trailed off, leaving the unsaid words so much more powerful. He had to look away because he found Chanyeol's stare to be too intense; overwhelming.

"We both just got dumped then," Baekhyun laughed just as uneasily. He didn't know what he felt. He found Chanyeol's awkward smile distracting. Chanyeol's lips were distracting.

Chanyeol was distracting.

"Let me drive you home? Or are we… are we awkward again…? Sorry, I'm.. not good at this," Chanyeol said softly. "I should’ve… God, I’ve hurt you more than enough in the past. You deserve better. I know you do.”

“And yet,” Baekhyun inhaled, his voice cracking. “Right now… more than anything, I want to be with you.”

“Okay. I’m here for you. This time, I’ll be here for you.”

He had no idea how long he sat there, how long Chanyeol stayed with him. He only knew that there was nowhere else he’d rather be during those long moments, no one else who could’ve soothed him and no one else he would’ve allowed to wipe his tears for him. There were too many things running through Baekhyun's head while Chanyeol drove him home, but only one thing was clear to him now, clearer with each time he glanced at the man beside him.

He was absolutely in love with Park Chanyeol again.


End file.
